Recently by Lorna Hughes

THEY should think about adding it to the job description.

"Mayor of Wirral wanted. Must have joke book bulging with cheap gags that will keep audiences groaning for a whole year".

Conservative Councillor Andrew Hodson carried out 568 engagements and raised an impressive £84,000 for charity during his year as Mayor but I'll remember him as much for the jokes which left me shaking my head and reaching for my pen and notepad.

And he didn't disappoint on his last night in the spotlight at Wallasey Town Hall.

Making his final speech, Cllr Hodson said many people had asked him how he felt about handing over the chains of office to Lib Dem Cllr Alan Jennings.

It was, he said, a time of mixed emotions, "something like watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new car".

Groan.

Fortunately for me, our new Mayor looks to be cut from the same comedy (if not political) cloth.

Dressed in his shiny new robes and the Mayoral chain, Cllr Jennings said it was an honour to become Mayor and he was humbled to be chosen for the role.

Then I started to suspect we had another comedian on the stage.

"When you become Mayor", he said, "Fellow councillors say nice things about you and you don't have to be dead."

A statement of fact. Can't argue with that.

He said it had been difficult to adjust to having car doors opened for him while Deputy Mayor, and at one point his driver had jokingly threatened to put the child lock on.

Then he started to tell a story about driving through Saughall Massie and seeing a man standing in a field.

On the way back he was still there, so Cllr Jennings decided to stop the car and see what the problem was.

"This is serious stuff", I thought. "Maybe he saved a man's life while being driven back from an engagement?".

I started to think of the headlines. It was definitely a front page story.

Then the punchline came.

"He said 'don't you know Nobel prizes are only awarded to people out standing in their field?"

Groan. Enjoy your year Cllr Jennings.

I LIKE a story with a happy ending.

In March 2008 I wrote about the sad state of Wirral's tribute to the world's first powered submarine, Resurgam.

WIRRAL MPs rarely speak to us about matters of national - or dare I say, international - importance - preferring to stick strictly to the local stuff.

Bus services? Muddy fields? Derelict buildings? Allotments? Not a problem for some (in particular Wirral South's Ben Chapman).

And, while that might not be your cup of tea if you want investigative journalism and in-depth analysis of politics, it's bread and butter for a local, weekly newspaper.

But if you want an opinion on everything from agency workers to disaster relief in Haiti, Neston and Ellesmere Port's elected representative is your man.

EVER heard of Bromborough Hill? No, me neither.

But the Forestry Commission believes that's what we'll all soon be calling the old tip off Dock Road South.

I attended a presentation today on Wirral Council's plans for the coastline stretching from Rock Ferry to Eastham - more on that in another blog post - and among the speakers was Chris Waterfield, Newlands Programme Manager for the Forestry Commission.

Jokes about names aside, he said he's expecting a decision on Monday from the North West Development Agency (NWDA) on whether they will be funding a long-awaited £2.3m project to landscape the site and turn it into a park.

"Unofficially", said Mr Waterfield, the funding has been approved and all it needs now is the signature of a senior figure at the NWDA, who is on holiday until Monday.

Once the trees, grass and benches are in place, there are also plans for an "iconic sculpture" at the park's highest point, which people would be able to climb to take in the views across the waterfront.

Mr Waterfield said it was a long way off: "We have to look into the technicalities of putting a structure on top of a landfill site, so I can't say whether it will..but it should form part of the final project."

The trouble with "iconic sculptures" is that they always make me think of the row another one caused a few years ago elsewhere in the borough.

New Brighton clown, anyone?

WITH THAT story taking all the headlines this week, Hamilton Squared is declaring this blog post a strictly a lib**** free zone.

With just months to the General Election and the spotlight firmly on Steve Foulkes, Jeff Green, Simon Holbrook et all, Wirral's MPs are bound to be feeling a little bit left out by now.

So we thought it was time to redress the balance - here's a little look at what three of our five elected representatives are doing this week.

2009 seems to be the year of the U-turn.

First it was Wirral Council and the libraries and yesterday, along came meat packaging firm Tulip International's decision to return to Bromborough.

Investing £12m into the plant to make it a "sausage production facility" will create 270 new jobs - but only seven months ago, Tulip said the Bromborough site didn't have a future, closed it and made 303 people redundant.

BUSINESS and company speak is full of meaningless phrases that say so much and deliver very little - "Blue sky thinking" anyone?

Then there are words and sentences which are wheeled out so many times that you wonder (a) what's behind the rhetoric and (b) whether it means anything at all.

Newspapers are as guilty as anyone else - there are only so many ways you can describe a situation in a way that fits three lines and 100 words.

And Wirral Council is no exception. If I had a pound for every time I've heard an officer or a councillor use "fit for purpose" I'd be shopping in Prada rather than Primark.

FORGET the glitz and glamour of the Oscars.

Here in Wirral we have our very own ceremony celebrating the achivements of the borough's finest.

It's called the Wirral Tourism Awards and it took place last night at Thornton Hall Hotel.

ONCE upon a time, there was a council in a kingdom called Wirral.

And on one very special night, peace and harmony reigned in the council chamber long enough for the people in charge to stop shouting at each other and support what everyone agreed was a very good idea to help citizens find jobs.

A far-fetched fairytale? Not so - this is exactly what happened at last night's full council meeting at Wallasey Town Hall.

THIS afternoon I went to Noctorum Community Centre to meet parents who have been leading a campaign to save Ridgeway High in its current form.

Wirral Council has put forward proposals to replace Park High, Rock Ferry High and Ridgeway with a mixed sex academy and an all-boys academy - but it's likely that, if the plans are approved, both would be in Birkenhead (one possibly on Borough Road)

Ridgeway's parents are concerned standards would fall as a result and fear their children's education would be disrupted.

And they have another big worry - geography.